I Open My Eyes
(To all Women who have ever doubted Themselves or their Bodies)
I open my eyes, and stare into the mirror. I stare so long that my eyes blur, and my feet get tired from standing. I stare until I can no longer make sense of all the curves, and shapes, and lines that define my body.
I observe in myself that I am triggered by my own body.
I observe in myself that I am triggered by my inability to control my body, its functioning, its shapes, its value.
A constant source by which to measure my worth lies in my curves, or rather the lack there of.
So, I stare…I stare harder to make sense of it all, to find meaning in it, to understand how it is so.
I observe within myself the expectations that lie beneath the surface. Expectations of success, happiness and love that I assume can be attained by having curves bless my body.
I stare longer, to find peace with it, to find grounding, to find solace within myself.
I see that we are all striving to find an external source of proof that we are worthy. I see that our personalities, intentions and efforts cannot be measured, so we look instead to our bodies to define our worth.
I stare…and I see my body, for it is mine, and mine to protect.
I see a body that has been blessed with love, yet cursed with illness.
A body that knows how to love, yet struggles to function.
A body that loves food, yet cannot digest it.
A body that longs to move freely, yet hurts to do so.
I stare to relinquish control, serenity now. I see that until we learn to accept what is, as is, right now, we cannot move forward, a prisoner in shackles.
I see that these conditions which we face are not shackles confining our freedom, but indeed keys to release ourselves from our imprisonment.
I stare longer, and harder, and stronger…And I see that my smaller frame does not denote a lesser me, a lesser worth.
I stare… I stare… I stare…
I see a fighter, I see strength, I see wisdom.
I see a woman who is willing to face herself because she knows she’s worth it.
I stare endlessly, and somewhere in there, I start to see me.
I open my eyes.
And, you know what? I like what I see.